Irregularly forming thoughts led me to know the pain I was escaping. And actually escaped. The painful emotion of a random other knowing what I thought in real-time.
It's both painful and a distraction from the moment. The painful aspect is created by the humiliation of temporarily losing my individual right to think. Think about it! It may not last long periods at a time, but when it comes it almost feels like the pain from all previous pains combined. I must escape it forever...
Why can't I have private thoughts? I can easily remember photos and sometimes the clarity of situations is accurate to the silliest detail. And how about you imagine if you'd be here, and I would know all or even some of your thoughts outside conversation. Your private thoughts about me in that particular situation would be available for me. What if I asked you many times: "Did you just think this about me"? How long would you stay?
You'd just say so what and could easily distract yourself with something and I would not know anything about your thoughts. But the problem is much more acute when we are dealing with emotions. I think most adults would agree, that it would be a serious breach of one's individual right to private emotions.
This is too hard! It's not easy to let someone close when you are sure they know.
Confusion about the goal. Interesting thoughts about how do I define confusion and why would or should it affect my goals. Too fast and subtle to recall excactly. A partial explanation would be useless.
I guess I can safely say that ignorance may change one's plans. How? In a social situation a question that wasn't answered still changed your determination. That shifted your direction of focus. Because it was a situation involving movement your concentration failed. It led to a pain that could've been avoided.
In my case lack of attention followed by a memoryglitch led me into confrontation with the painful feeling I was hiding my own expectations (about life from others). The stress got cleared with excercise but came back later in my thoughts and doubt followed - was that part of a bigger pain that can't be avoided? At the least the doubt was!! This could create a lot of tension if not anxiety..
